How to Avoid Sabotaging Your Own Divorce Negotiations

Divorce is neither an easy or short process.  Although divorce is basically a three-step process, it takes times to wade through all the financial details and understand the potential cost and benefit of different settlement options.

Why, you may ask, am I discussing this?  Because divorce is usually a negative event and most people want to get through it as quickly as possible.  That is normal human behavior and to be expected.  The divorce process is frustrating and sometimes brings out the bad side of the people going through it.  Everyone has a sensitive issue, a “hot button” that when pushed causes a negative reaction

Here are some common actions that I definitely advise you to avoid:

  1. Changing the door locks and thereby denying your spouse access to the house (unless advised by your attorney for safety reasons).
  2. Threatening to “take the kids away” and get full custody (don’t do this to a stay-at-home Mom or Dad)
  3. Punishing  your spouse by making child visitation difficult.
  4. Trying to gain the upper hand by refusing to furnish financial documents.
  5. Telling your spouse that he/she will be left with nothing unless they do things your way.
  6. Hiring an attorney simply because it would scare your spouse.
  7. Calling your friends and family and telling them what a bad person your spouse is.

I could go on for pages but, I think you see the point.  The actions listed above will only result in poor parenting arrangements, large attorney bills and emotional damage that will make it very hard to  transition to life after divorce.

My advice for today is don’t push your spouse’s “hot button.”  You may bite your tongue 100 times but, that would be better than doing battle in court or paying most of your settlement to your attorney.